Thursday, March 12, 2009
When Broadband ISN'T!
Okay, I've saved up this rant for quite some time.
3 Mobile Broadband.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU SUBSCRIBE TO THIS SERVICE.
I vowed a long time ago that I wouldn't touch 3's products with a million foot pole. Not that I've even got a million foot pole - that would be quite uncomfortable. It would be like threading kebabs. Ewww.
Anyway - 3's advertising is possible the most insulting, condescending, non-product related advertising I've ever seen anywhere. I mean, those farken gay thunderbird puppet things they had advertising their plans a year or two ago. WTF??
But a bargain is a bargain is a bargain, no matter what brand they've got slapped on it. And last year or so ago I relented. A cool little LG touchscreen phone (I refuse to call it Viewty - Ugh!) on a pretty good cap means I was a 3 customer against all of my better judgement. Now I have to concede - 3's mobile phone coverage isn't nearly as nasty as some would have you believe. I'm pretty much satisfied with my phone and the service and the cost.
So score one for 3.
But then we move house. Time to cancel the ol' ADSL2 subscription. I do the math and figure, with a couple of mobile phones in the house, there is no need to sign up for a landline at the new premises. Except, of course, to enable the ADSL line. Until I'm convinced by the Food Critic's Nickname that we should do what her friend did - and get a mobile broadband service. Now I plead that mobile broadband is more expensive for data than ADSL, but the Food Critic's Nickname is adamant. I spend far too much time on teh interwebs as it is. It'll do me good to get a service that I won't spend so long on because of the cost. Interesting logic - but she's the boss.
So I spend some good money on a 3 (I did a lot of homework, and seriously, 3's mobile broadband plans were the only ones nearly approaching value for money) mobile broadband dongle and 12gig of pre-paid data.
WHAT A STEAMING PILE OF WANK!
The reception bar indicates that (when I can log on to the service - which isn't often) I am ALWAYS connected at the maximum signal strength.
So why is it that I can only download at a rate of some 0.1kbps? For you non-tech-talking types this is basically the equivalent of trying to fit the moon through the little hole in the middle of fat spaghetti.
This service is not only inconvenient, it is a LIE. A big fat stinking LIE! This is NOT broadband. This is not even CLOSE to broadband. This is not even close to my old 26k dial-up.
If I were playing Duke Nukem 3D against myself (via a time machine of some description) back in 1995 or so, 1995 Kingsley would FRAG THE SHIT out of 3 mobile broadband 2009 Kingsley. I'm talking - "would have time to pull out that weapon that shrinks your opponent so small you can chase him 'round and squash him with your foot" type fragging.
So now - don't bother sending me YouTube links, or funny videos, or songs, or ANYTHING! I don't have sound on the work PC for obvious reasons (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!), and the new Mac at home is now a pathetic waste of some thousands of dollars as I am unable to utilise its full worth as I can't even download a software update - hell, I can't even refresh today's fucking weather widget!!
So FUCK YOU 3.
Fuck you... very... s...l...o...w...l...y.