Monday, March 16, 2009

The Wild, WILD West.

So you may have already read my brief review of Cafe Lalibela (below). Just lovely.

It happens to be in Footscray.

Not lovely.

Melbourne's western suburbs are a disgrace. An embarrassment to us all.

Would it kill them to put a lick of paint on a shopfront?

Would it kill someone to empty the bins, and cleanup the laneways?

Would it kill them to fix a fallen fence, or to repair the cracks in the footpath?

What disgusts me most about the state of Melbourne's seedy west, is that the bleeding hearts and welfare dependent always seem to have their hand out for more. "Oh why doesn't the council do this?" and "why won't the government do that?" and "Look at ME! I'm POOR!! Gimme, gimme, gimme."

You could start by picking up your own trash.

Then maybe you could mow your lawn and paint your front fence.

Then maybe, you could offer to help your elderly neighbour collect those leaves from their garden, and then, JUST MAYBE, you could make sure your kids weren't down at the bus shelter chroming their heads off.

Then maybe you can start asking for handouts you miserable pieces of filth.

Of course, none of this applies to people from Maidstone, which is a lovely little postcode where the residents spend their weekends commuting between Bunnings and their ever evolving picture perfect gardens. ;)


shalini akhil said...

kingsley kingston esq, i do declare! change out of your rant-pants, former resident of the famed crack alley. footers aint that bad. yes, it can be a little smelly, but don't blame us for your decision to go to tottenham station when you had cab fare all they way back to secret-life-ville. nice try with the garden compliment. i might get my elderly neighbour to come finish the job for us, he can paint our fence while he's at it.
also please note funny (0) interesting (0) cool (0) junkies (0)

Kingsley Kingston said...

I knew I could rely on The Hon. Ms Shalinki to bite ;)

Hey, Crack Alley is Crack Alley.

It's charming in a post apocalyptic Mad Max kind of way.

Because it's only ONE laneway.

Footscray is like Crack Alley meets The Sorcerer's Apprentice!!


Anonymous said...

Thanks for that John Howard. I thought you retired? Footscray is a great place. Then again if you so disturbed by filth and rubbish you didnt really hav to look byond st kilda at all now did you? I grew up a westie and loved it!! Keepin it real..loz..xx

Kingsley Kingston said...

Fair comparison - St Kilda to Footscray.

But what's the difference?

Suburban tourists come to St Kilda to leave their rubbish behind, but Footscray's residents do enough of that in their own backyard.

Cruel, but fair. You know I'm right! ;)