Friday, September 17, 2010

Nobody Gives a Damn About Your Dreams

Fiona Apple waiting for me on Oprah's couch

I had the most wonderful dream last night. I figured out long ago (maybe mot so long ago) that people really don't give a damn about your dreams. They may feign interest when you explain your goals and ambitions, but I mean real dreams, that you have at night, about stuff that never happened.

Anyway, it's been a while (too long) since I blogged* so I figure this dream was fodder enough for you.

Somehow got myself a Gizmo (from the movie Gremlins) - it was so cute. It did go a little spastic when it got wet or when you shone light in its eyes, so I was very careful. Anyway, it was so bloody adorable, and it's been so long since that movie that everyone's forgotten about them, so I became quite the centre of attention over it all. Actually, Gizmo became the centre of attention - I was just his owner (a very charming and talented one at that).

So somehow I find myself on Oprah. Let me tell you, Gizmo bares a little more than a passing resemblance to Oprah as it happens. Oprah loved Gizmo but, despite my strongest warning, made a point of having a lighting guy shine a strobe in his eyes and he went all apoplectic for a second, before I stood and violently threatened the lighting guy (and Oprah - big mistake). So that left the segment finish a little flat and uncomfortable, however we (me and Giz) were allowed to remain on Oprah's couch for the remainder of the show.

So up next was Oprah's 'women of song' segment or something. There were a few female singers including Aimee Mann (who I just ignored because I didn't want her to find out I fell asleep at her gig), and some spunky black haired thing in a retro green dress. This girl was singing a cover of Alphabet City, and I said 'Oh I love this song' and there was Fiona Apple. So this black haired girl (with colourful tattoos covering her bare arms - she was lovely, you would have adored her) starts singing Alphabet City on stage with her guitar and Fiona Apple and me start singing along. But Fiona Apple gets singing so loud you can hear her on stage and (despite the fact that she's singing it fucken AWESOME, and with ME) it kinda spoils the other girl's performance. This makes Fiona Apple terribly self-conscious and embarrassed and I console her by saying 'Don't worry, that's just the kind of thing I'm forever getting in trouble over'. She turns and gives me this looks that says 'Aww, you're so sweet' and plants one on me. So Fiona is kissing me and I figure to impress her I'd best introduce her to Gizmo, so whilst she's kissing me I'm calling out 'Giz! Giz!' and she's holding me down asking what I'm doing, and I said I wanted to introduce her to Gizmo. Fiona replies that she couldn't care less about my rat (she hadn't seen my previous segment so had no idea who Gizmo was). Anyway, very shyly, Gizmo comes over. Say 'Hello Fiona' I tell him. And Gizmo says hello Fiona in that freaken adorable way that he does and Fiona sat up and said, 'That is so adorable, but it's you I want' and held me down again and started kissing me like I've never been kissed. After a few minutes of this she looks into my eyes and says 'Craig, you're really good at this boyfriend stuff'.

The rest of the dream contained some football game between the Swans and North, and Dad and I had an argument about how when the team kicks into the stadium from outside the stadium the ball has to be kicked directly at goal, not just in over the sideline over the stands. I argued that that was the most ridiculous rule I ever heard, that you should be able to kick it back into the stadium to whoever is free, and seeing as you can't see over he stands you're taking a risk by doing so; Dad, of course, agreed with the umpires, him being a former sports umpire. So we had this stupid argument. Wasn't until I woke up that it was obvious to me that as soon as the ball goes over the boundary line it is out of bounds and out of play - so there is no chance a team has of kicking the ball back from outside the stadium (where much of this game was taking place).

There was also this bit in the dream (and I was still, technically, Fiona Apple's boyfriend at this point) where some guy was doing graffiti with his mobile phone. His mobile phone had a little paint spray nozzle out the end. I thought that was so cool so got myself one. It was awesome. It had a rotating button on it, and with a press of your thumb spray paint came out in a jet spray, and by moving your thumb on the nozzle you could change the colour of the paint and the thickness/angle of the line. It also seemed to improve your handwriting out of sight. So I start spraying a little bit on the wall of a tram and I start to try to write 'Beauty Within', but I'm admiring the quality of the print, and my handwriting, so much I kind of make a mistake and end up writing 'Beauty Without'. I was still vaguely satisfied with my handiwork.

I promise to post again soon.

* Internets have been diabolically slow of late - everywhere.


Roger said...

Oh yes, what we have here is symbolism. Lots and lots of symbolism (he says rubbing his hands together). This symbolism is all centered around the women in your life.
Oprah represents your birth Mother. She is the reason you're there, but as you clearly meant to make trouble and upstage her with your quirky, adorable and excitable personality (Gizmo) she had to shut that sucker down. Though, so she wouldn't be seen in a bad light, she did let you stay and watch.
The black-haired singer with the tattoos represents your stepmother. She is aware of you, but only because you are ruining her performance.
As for Fiona, your subconscious has created her purely so you can feel good about yourself. She's perfect! She sings! She worships you and you DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING. Hell, you don't even have to kiss her back! You are all she wants and she has you right where you both want her. However. When you try and introduce your true quirky self (Giz), she plainly isn't interested. Hmm, more rejection? What's a man to do?
Turn to footy of course! I'm not entirely sure I get any of this bit. Except to say that maybe you and your Father are long overdue to have a VERY long talk about some VERY important issues.
As for the "spraying" mobile phone, well. I think that one's a little obvious don't you? Given your recent rant re mobile phone carriers.

Pixieguts said...

Hey Craig. I love dream stories! Yours to me speaks an optimistic spirit and lots of fun within. Also it was kind of like you were relating to all sorts of feminine parts of yourself, that mostly seem quite friendly to your male self, hooray! Rather clever of you to find 'Apple' as your feminine love interest there. The brilliance of the unconscious mind never ceases to amaze me! And give me a smile. :)