Monday, October 18, 2010

Weeks, not months.


People,

The countdown commences. Well, the countdown began some time ago, in April in fact, but now it's getting close.

December 13th. The ticket is still booked. That's 56 days away folks. 56 days!

So now I have to try to lose close to twenty kilos, in order to be as near maximum hotness as it is possible for this body to be. What a co-incidence. Today's story for analysis was 'Feeder' by my favourite (not that I'm playing favourites, Sabina) editing lecturer, Glenys Osborne. FYI, if you haven't bought and read 'Come Inside' (Glenys's recently published first novel) you should do so immediately. However I digress.

Feeder is a wonderful (even though the subject matter is dark) short story about body image and associated issues. Now I'm not going to give away the plot (like a certain classmate did for me - Terry!), but it is interesting that at this point (when the realisation that I'm a big fat blob has well and truly hit home) that I should read and dissect this particular story.

Even more interestingly, one of my classmates with whom I studied this text today was previously a sufferer of anorexia nervosa. Furthermore, another of our classmates has a daughter who also suffered from the condition. So I was perfectly placed to ask for weight loss tips at the conclusion of class.

It seems 150 is the magic number. Calories that is. Apparently if I limit my daily caloric intake to 150 the pounds will veritibly drip off me. So I just visited this calorie counter website. Today I have had three poached eggs on two slices of toast. I was even evil enough to grate a bit of cheese over my toast as well. I also had a Big M. I had to; it was the first time I've seen the Limited Edition Egg Flip (which I voted for), so I just had to have it. Anyway, that's all I've eaten today and alerady I'm coming in at a massive 780 calories. Ridiculous!

So in order to achieve 150 calories per day I am going to be drinking nothing but water, and eating nothing but alfalfa sprouts. Mmmm. Yum.


xxx

4 comments:

Lyrically007 said...

Don't stress it's 1500, not 150.....trust me, I know such things lol.

Stephen said...

You probably already know this but I'll put it out there.

Make sure you exercise and eat plenty of protein.

If you just diet you'll loose muscle as well as fat and muscles use energy even when resting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dieting#Fat_loss_versus_muscle_loss

Terry said...

I shall comment, as I'm impugned.

My erstwhile colleague claims I "gave away the plot" when, in fact, I said, "Holy Shit! This story is incredible. Does 150 calories a day sound realistic to you? Who wrote this? What is it? Holy shit! It's Glenys Osbourne!"

Now let me add the circumstances.

Craig and I had a pact, that, in order to do a tandem presentation on "Sampling" in story-writing, we would meet on the Sunday before class, and prepare. I had indeed prepared some bits, with a synopsis of Kurosawa's "Jojimbo" as well as a comparison with Leone's "Fistful of Dollars"; a strong reference to the Swedish film (1998) "Let the Right One In" and the currently showing American remake "Let Me In" which is, of course, a vampire tale; a superb presentation on how Bram Stoker "sampled" the ideas and texts of others in his development of the vampire genre; and a splendid diagrammatic and well-referenced exposition on the influences on Milton for the preparation of his first text of "Paradise Lost" (as well as his influence on others, including Freud, Yeats, and others) whilst seamlessly segueing from vampires to Satan. I even had quotes! From Genesis, and all sorts of biblical (and non-biblical) texts.

What was I saying?

Oh, yes... Craig was to arrive for us to work together.

What really happened?

This poor wretch of a man, a husk of the Craig Ising I had known, arrived as I had, with full belly of Sunday sausages and eggs, staggered from the shower. I asked (as one politely does) how he was faring, and heard a tale of such woe, mainly about the loss of - was it lip gloss? lip balm? lip stick? - that I became completely flustered, and failed to offer him eggs (I'd eaten all the sausage myself) and sent him on a quest to fill his belly as best he could on a Sunday morning on Fitzroy Street.

Of course I was ashamed at my inhospitality, and as soon as he returned, I offered him what little I could.

At some point, we worked. Craig offered that he would introduce our topic with talk of sampling in music, and I agreed with abject gratitude!

Eventually, he contacted whoever it was that had purloined his lip balm - or salve, or stick, or whatever - and repaired to the scene of the crime - true!

When he returned, much later (pints later?), he asked if he might write a blog post. To this very blog! You've read it! It's full of sampling, I'm told (by Jess) of some author of books for children! So at least Craig was on track!

Anyway, I sat there while he wrote his blog post, paralysed with fear that he would, while using my computer, uncover my porn stash and be ... disappointed in me!

And so it was that I was reading Glenys Osbourne's story, not from the beginning, but from about halfway, and said "Holy Shit!"

Jess said...

Ha! Classic Terry.