Thursday, July 22, 2010


The only things I've been witness to on television of late have been MasterChef (okay, I know - but I'll explain) and coverage of the Federal Election campaign. There's just not that much else on.

Okay, MasterChef. Why am I watching this abomination? Well some days you get to thinking that maybe you should check pop culture for a pulse. As someone who suffered the delusion that he could be a breakfast radio host, and as someone who is maintaining one of the most erudite blogs on the planet (this one - HELLO!?)I fell it is my duty to at least have half an eye on what else out there is feeding the masses. It is a sacrifice I am making for youse, dear readers.

So here I am watching MasterChef, and I'm not going to do a blow by blow rendition of all that occurred, there are plenty of others who know more about it than me - I'll leave it to them. So here I am watching MasterChef immediately after watching coverage of Joolia v Abbott. Abbott was stacking bananas in a fruit shop, and Joolia was scaring a group of infants.

'What has stacking bananas and kissing babies got to do with running the country?' I thinks to meself. And then I thinks to meself that neither Joolia, nor Tony, has demonstrated to me their credentials when it comes to being the Primest of all Ministers.

So I'm watching Alvin molest a vanilla cake, and Courtney's in tears because, I don't know, the roots of her blonde hair aren't dark enough or something. And Callum's put his whole cake in upside down. Jimmy over there has stolen someone's macaroon, and has put his cake in the wrong tin. It's, quite frankly, a disaster for the lot of 'em. But I'm impressed. This challenge was set with no hope of anyone actually being able to pull it off perfectly. It's a lot like real life (unless you're me, which you're not). What resonated with me was that all of the contestants were faced with obstacles that they had to overcome somehow. They all had to plate up a cake, and all had to make sacrifices and compromises to come up with a finished (if half-arsed) product.

And I got to thinking, yes - I was doing a lot of thinking that night, if only we were able to subject Tony and Joolia to such scrutiny prior to the upcoming election. What if we had a mini-lodge, or mini-parliament that we could drop them both in for a month before the poll? We could give them a foreign affairs challenge one night; an economic brainteaser another night; we could have them hosting a visiting head of state for dinner; perhaps a lie-detector test or something for fun and... I don't know - what else does a bloody Prime Minister have to do but swan about and look stupid?

So there it is. Let's not waste airspace and time on expensive and boring election campaigns. Let's just give the electorate exactly what they want to see. Joolia and Tony head-to-head in the Big Brother house of politics.

You know it's true.



jess said...

Swimwear challenge? Timed response for unexpected questions? Best duckspeak? A prize for the most repetitive catchprase?
We certainly are most fortunate that you are willing to sacrifice yourself for the sake of our entertainment. (Especially when your tastes are usually so highbrow and sedate). ;)

Jamie's Bitch said...

...afterall politics is just showbiz for ugly people. We really need a cooking challenge, thereby mashing the two conceptes together. At best Jules would be reheating some tripe whilst Tones would whip up a hearty Irish stew made with only water and turnips (maybe some communion waffers in a bowl on the side).